The Top 10 Student Excuses

Save your breath because it's not worth the effort of trying to explain this one. Your teacher has heard it many, many, times before and, quite frankly, if this is the best you can come up with you should be seriously considering exactly why you're doing A-level Sociology...

Even if, on the remotest of remote chances, your dog really did eat your homework, don't bother trying this excuse. It simply hasn't got a cat-in-hell's chance of succeeding.

This is an example of an excuse that demonstrates an original twist on either of the previous excuses (combining two implausible events in the hope of creating something plausible) but, as you know deep down in your twisted heart, it's not going to work, is it?

Think about it for a second or two. Will the police believe she just decided to eat it and you did nothing to stop her? Exactly...

Okay, so we're still in the realms of fantasy with this one, but it's not as implausible as it might, at first, sound (although you will, of course, have had to prepare the ground for this excuse by frequent in-class references to the 'daft things my sister's done' - but, since you're probably a dedicated skivver, this should be child's play...).

If you're really unlucky there's still a chance your teacher might ask you to produce the offending piece of work - in which case you're either going to have to find a rabbit and force it to urinate over some cobbled-together piece of nonsense or you're going to have to resort to Excuse 10 (variation number 4 - 'My rabbit ate it'). 

You need to remember two things for this excuse to work.
a. A broken toe doesn't stop you writing.
b. Make sure you wear a Really Big Bandage on your writing hand.

Aside from the above, this is certain to work, but...

• Be prepared with a suitable explanation for the accident (tears may also help if your teacher doesn't seem to be falling for it)
• You're going to have to copy up all your class notes at some stage (which will mean the excuse will create more work than it was craftily designed to save - an occupational hazard for the "determinally hopeless" (and no, 'determinally' isn't a real word - I just made it up to describe the terminally determined...).
  

This may or may not be an option, but if it is then it's a sure-fire way to buy a bit of time (unless, of course, The Office is run on regimentally-efficient lines with all work recorded and clocked). It has the advantage of placing the blame on some (safely anonymous) individual for your 'misfortune' and it  makes it look as though you genuinely did the work...

Even better, if The Office try to shift the blame onto your teacher (which, given my extensive knowledge of Offices, is a distinct probability) they may have to end-up appologising to you for losing your work (but don't bet on it - if it happens, treat it as an unintended bonus and don't push your luck by saying your dad's going to take the matter up with the Head of Department).

Right. This is more like it. We live in a computer age and it's about time we started to drag 'Pathetic Student Excuses™' kicking and screaming into the digital realm. Okay "my computer broke" isn't exactly hi-tec or cutting edge (if you have any computer knowledge whatsoever it's far better to use the "my hard drive failed" variation) but it's a definite all-round winner in the excuse stakes, mainly because you can both pretend to have done the work and be suitably 'gutted / mortified' (delete whichever is most inappropriate) at your failure to deliver said work. If your teacher has zero computer knowledge you win because they won't really understand what's happened (be prepared with a suitable explanation) and if your teacher does understand computers you still win because they've probably been there and suffered that...

A step up from Excuse 4 (controversial, perhaps, but allow me to explain) because it holds out the hope (at least in your teacher's sadly-deluded eyes) of the work actually being submitted this side of Xmas. However, once your teacher has accepted your promise to 'print off the work in the LRC' (unfortunately not today because you haven't got it on disk...) you can do one of two things:

a. If you really intend to do the work and just need a bit more time you can deliver the work as promised.
b. If you have no intention of ever doing the work, take the battle one stage further by moving to Excuse 2 - or, if you're really dedicated, Excuse 1.

If only they hadn't invented e-mail, this would be Number 1 in the Excuse Stakes. Firstly, it shows willing - you've actually done the work (or so they think...). Secondly, it's so modern (plus points in the Key Skills techno stakes). Thirdly, it will look as though it's Not Your Fault when the disk fails to load on your teacher's computer. This will happen because:

a. You've dragged a massively powerful magnet repeatedly across the surface of the disk.
b. You've immersed said disk in a bowl of salty water for a week.
c. You took it in turns to do both of the above.

Alternatively, make sure the disk contains a virus (just in case a, b or c should fail and, inexplicably, your teacher manages to get the thing to work). This will have the added bonus of:

a. E-mailing all your teacher's private correspondence to everyone in their address book.
b. Make them feel superior by lecturing you about the the importance of virus checkers (thereby forgetting to ask you for the missing work when you start to cry...).

This excuse works on so many levels there should be a law against it (okay, so there is a law against it, but that won't dissuade you, will it?). Firstly, it buys you time (your teacher has to check their e-mail). Secondly, it could be the teacher's fault they haven't received it (if you can throw-in some technobabble about 'dodgy routers and relapsed synapses' so much the better). Thirdly, when the teacher is certain it's not their fault ('I know it can take days for e-mails to be delivered - you explained about how the relapsed synapse system works - but it's been two weeks...'), show the teacher a copy of their e-mail address you made and wait for them to patiently explain how you've copied it down incorrectly. Fourthly, be appropriately apologetic  and repeat the above process ad infinitum.

Note: If your teacher's patience finally snaps (or they've discussed the problem of 'relapsed synapses' with the IT teacher in the Staffroom...), you may have to resort  to Plan B (see Excuse 2).

Alternatively...

Why waste time and effort dreaming-up implausible excuses that simply delay the inevitable (you're going to have to do the work sometime, whatever ridiculous excuse you choose to use...)?

Check-out the Study Skills materials instead. You know it makes (more) sense...

Return to Study Skills Home Page and do things properly...