The Top 10 Reasons To Offer Me A Job

1. I have my own pen (the significance of which, I feel, should not be over-looked in the cost-conscious world of FE). I may also be able to lay my hands on a whiteboard marker (slightly used), but I can't - on the off-chance my current employer is reading this - promise anything. However, a wink is as good as, etc.

2. I have been psychometrically tested as having "Zero management potential" and, consequently, I do not pose a threat to the person responsible for appointing me (which, if you'll excuse my suggesting it, is probably a big plus-factor in these turbulent FE times).

3. I wear my "Corporate College Identification Badge" at all times, even when shopping in Tesco's.

4. I am willing to allow my body, car, house and partner (not necessarily in that order, of course) to be used for College advertising purposes.

5. I have (or am willing to work towards the acquisition of) plastering skills (in the unlikely event there are any cracks that need to be papered over).

6. I have all my own teeth (which, depending upon whether or not there are any tough nuts that need cracking, may or may not be a significant plus-point. Obviously).

7. I am willing to work for "significantly less" money than the person you were thinking seriously about recruiting.

8. I am computer littrit litrate litterate. I know my way around a keyboard.

9. Please feel free to add anything to this list you feel would work in my favour should you be thinking (seriously or otherwise) about e-mailing me with a lucrative job offer.

10. See above.