The Top 10 Things To Do With BooksIt's easy when you're not as confused as me!
1. Read them - an uncontroversial opener, maybe, but don't ever underestimate the importance of the blindingly obvious... 2. Give them to someone as a present - it makes it look as though they're important enough for you to have thought long and hard  about what to buy them (Top Tip: Remove the "Bargain Basement" sticker prior to wrapping).
10 minutes ago he was just dribbling on the floor - and now look at him!3. Leave them lying around your living room - strategically-placed books can create an "Ambiance of Intelligence"™ that will impress friends and neighbours alike. 4. Use them to prop-up the leg of that broken chair - the one you've been meaning to mend but have sadly lacked the necessary carpentry skills to carry through.
5. Hollow-out the pages - use them to keep valuable items safely hidden away from prying eyes. And children. See - No stain6. Cover damp patches on walls - a carefully-constructed shelf of books (or, better still, a whole bookcase for those really difficult-to-hide stains) can transform a damp hovel into a damp hovel with lots of books around the walls.
7. Carry them around under your arm - books can be Essential Fashion Items that have the added bonus of Never Going Out Of Style (think about it - have you ever seen J-Lo or Madonna with a book? Point well made, I think). They also say more about you than words ever can (Fashion Tip for the Socially Unwary: Go for Meaningful titles like "A Post-modern Philosophy of Feng Shui" and avoid titles like "Sex in the Saddle: The Diary of a Horse Lover"). Just follow the simple directions8. Create attractive coasters - useful for avoiding those embarrassing "coffee rings" on your furniture. Also makes for a fascinating topic of conversation at parties.
9. Flower press - obviously needs no explanation, but "Did You Know"© it can also be used for insects? Or indeed anything that requires squashing? Here's one I made earlier!10. Novelty coathangers - just slip-n-twist® a piece of stiff wire through the spine and - Hey Presto - an amusing - yet functional - solution to those "I can't hang my clothes up" problems that bedevil busy students. Also doubles as a practical present for older relatives - watch their face light-up in bemusement when they unwrap this one.